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When reports emerged that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, families affected by a child’s addiction are concerned the discussion will center on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the more widespread dangers of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehabilitation and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s dependency, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to medical care or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the reported involvement of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may lead to agitation, a brutal act like a murder of two people is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can heal and be successful,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”