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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?